An Explanation.

I have anxiety, more specifically, panic disorder, panic attacks out of the blue, in the most simplest format. A panic attack is a sudden feeling of overwhelming anxiety which provides numerous physical symptoms. I often suffer with palpitations, sweating, hot flushes, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, feeling faint and a fear of dying.

My anxiety began to an extreme extent in early July of 2013. I have been thrown around many times since then and throughout this time, I have learnt to rely on one person and one person only. Myself.
I have seen doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists and ear doctors. Despite all of this I have only gotten anywhere, so to speak, by doing things on my own.

I am currently in a period of my second attempt at exposure. I have agoraphobia which developed from my panic disorder, and this is the best quote I have read to describe it;
“Agoraphobia is a very complex phobia usually manifesting itself as a collection of inter-linked conditions.

For example many agoraphobics also fear being left alone (monophobia), dislike being in any situation where they feel trapped (exhibiting claustrophobia type tendencies) and fear travelling away from their ‘safe’ place, usually the home. Some agoraphobics find they can travel more easily if they have a trusted friend or family member accompanying them, however this can quickly lead to dependency on their carer.

The severity of agoraphobia varies enormously between sufferers from those who are housebound, even room-bound, to those who can travel specific distances within a defined boundary. It is not a fear of open spaces as many people think.”

It’s tough, but as I said, i’m working on it.
I should currently be in the second year of my degree. This year has been on hold whilst I try and get all of this to a manageable level. I was told many empty promises, that I would be back to it this. I believed this at first when I had only missed a couple of weeks, but now I know I can only rely on me! Many of my friends from my first year I no longer hear from, which is sad, but i’m glad this year has made me realise who is there and who isn’t.
Maybe if they knew more, or understood, things would be different, but I may never know this so I try not to dwell on it.


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